I am on a 70s reunion committee with someone who graduated three years before me (so I didn’t know her before Facebook).  I mentioned on FB that I am thinking of learning to shoot, but would need instruction first.  She said she may know someone who could teach me, so I asked her to send me details in a private message.  Turns out her husband is retired from the sheriff’s department and teaches CPL classes (Carry Pistol License).  She had him send me a friend request and I sent him the same note I sent the shooting range instructor.  I got back this reply:

Hello Sheryl! I would be happy to meet with you and take you to the range. I am a member at the [edited] Sportsman’s Club in [edited]. I can access the range at any time. We could meet at the house here or your place if you want. I have a variety of guns you could handle to see what you like before we go shooting.

Some of my background is I have been a competitive shooter since 1978 winning numerous titles around the country. I have been a firearms instructor since 1985 and ran the [Edited] County Sheriff’s gun range for 2 years. I am an Armorer for many different types of firearms which means I know the mechanical operations of the guns. I recently retired from the Sheriff’s Office and still work there part time.

I would be happy to work with you and if you want I could put you through the training necessary to qualify you for your CPL!

I just responded “Sounds good.  I think Roger may also be interested.”  I’m going to talk to Roger about it tonight when he gets home from work.  

Today was Roger’s birthday and he wanted to go to the shooting range.  We took his son with us.  I didn’t shoot.  I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.  However, I did stand behind the window and watch them shoot the targets (targets were free, outlines of bodies cost $$).  They both used small semi-automatic pistols.  Can’t really remember what they used.  Roger used some kind of Ruger I think, and Ben used a Beretta.  Anyway, watching them I started getting over some of the weirdness I felt.  It was like a sport or game – shooting at the target.

I decided next time I want to try.  I also sent an email to the instructor at this range:

Hi Jeff

I was at the shooting range today with my husband and son, but I just watched.  A little background:

I have only fired a gun once in my life – I was 14 years old and shot a coke can off the back fence from about 100 feet with a rifle (that shot bullets).  I never touched a gun after that.  As I got older, I sort of became a pacifist.  (Seriously, I can’t even kill a bug – I put them outside.)  But now that I am getting a little older (57 this year) I am thinking I need to learn to hold and shoot a gun in case I ever need to defend myself.  Unfortunately, I get weird around guns.

So at the range today, I talked to one of the girls behind the counter and she suggested I contact you for some instruction.  I watched my husband and son shooting at targets and it didn’t seem so bad.  In fact, I was thinking it was something I could do.  I think going and watching them was something I needed to do to get over the initial weirdness I feel around guns.  And I seriously do want to be able to defend myself if I ever need to.  BUT I don’t want to do anything without proper instruction.  Like how to hold a gun, what type of gun I should purchase, how to conceal it (I am planning on getting a CCW and CPL), how to clean it, safety issues, etc.  She said you would give private instruction.  Can you give me a little information about the type of instruction you give, or from what little I’ve told you, what your recommendations for me would be? 

Thanks!

So I’m hoping to hear back from him soon.  I will keep my blog updated with my progress.

Back in the early 90s when I was in transition, I went 5 years without a dental appointment.  I finally got a dentist and one of the first things I had to have done was root planing.  I hated it and vowed to never again let my teeth go.

Before I get into this, let me assure everyone I am all for the 2nd Amendment, and don’t want to see our right to bear arms taken away.  Also, as I approach my 57th birthday, I often think about how older people are taken advantage of and easy targets for criminals.  I am not “elderly” by any means, yet, but still feel like there will come a time when I will need to be able to protect myself.

Roger and I went to a gun store yesterday.  I couldn’t do it.  I started feeling weird – kind of like I felt when I went to the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago and hated seeing all those animals in captivity – big whales in tanks…it just left me feeling uneasy, shakey, queasy, etc.  Roger asked me to try out a pistol.  I handed it right back to him and said it was too heavy.  He started to ask the guy for another one and I said “No, let’s just go.  There are too many people in here.”  I am normally not claustrophobic, but being in this gun store (which was pretty big) made me feel uneasy.  On the drive back home, I was near tears.  All I could think was that the main purpose of those things is to kill.  I still don’t know if I could kill someone to protect myself.  I told Roger that before we even think about buying a gun, I would need to take a class in how to use one, and go to a range and get used to the feel of it.

I almost feel like a vegan being forced to eat meat.

After the stuff that happened in CT in Dec, and with the fear of restrictions looming on gun ownership, my husband decided we should arm ourselves, and take classes to learn to shoot a gun, so that we could get CCW and and CPL permits (Carry Concealed Weapon and Carry Pistol License).  I told him that I wouldn’t be comfortable carrying a gun unless I took shooting lessons and learned how to shoot.  I’ve always been afraid if I was attacked, my attacker would get the gun away from me and use it on me, so I never even considered it before.

I am also a pacifist.  I’m not even sure in the face of protecting my life that I could shoot someone.  I was talking to the guy at the gun store who recommended a ’38-special’ because I was inexperienced with guns and he gave me a scenario of someone breaking into my house when I was home alone – and said something about shooting to kill.  I said “um…no.  I’d probably shoot him in the leg or something to stop him from attacking, but could not shoot to kill.”  He said, “You have to get over that.  If you shoot to maim, you may end up dead.  It’s your life or his.  You have to learn to shoot to kill when someone is threatening your life.”

We ended up not buying a gun.  I wonder, if my life was at stake, could I shoot to kill?  I think I’m pretty sure if someone was trying to kill Roger, I could probably do it.

Here is the real kicker, though!  I asked him how long it takes to buy a gun.  He said it’s immediate.  I asked about background checks and all that.  He said they were no longer needed in Michigan.  That is scarier than me owning a gun!

You know those little messages that lurk at the back of your mind that you tend to ignore, but they remain and continue to harass you?  Some call it instinct, but they are those little niggling doubts or messages.  So I’m wondering if I should really pay attention to this one (or, maybe I should have titled this “Waiting for the other shoe to drop.”)

I’ve been very lucky over the past year in my quest to get my weight down and my diabetes under control.  My weight is nowhere near where it should be, but I have lost 30 pounds.  And although my A1c still is in the diabetes range, it’s considered good at 6.2 (American College of Endocrinologists recommend < 6.5 to prevent complications, while the American Diabetes Association recommends < 7.0).

On the other hand, my thyroid is all whacko.  I am taking 100 mcg of Levothyroxine and it seems to be working (I’m not tired all the time and my metabolism seems to be working correctly.)  But at my last endocrinologist appointment, my endo told me the results of my thyroid ultrasound.  He said I have three ‘nodules’ – one was 1.5cm.  He said anything over .5 cm and they recommend a biopsy.  (That’s another issue – his office was supposed to get it set up and it’s been 3 months and I still haven’t heard anything so I’m not sure if they wanted to wait until my next thyroid test results came in, which were scheduled to be done in late Dec but which I didn’t get to until today.)

So this keeps sneaking into my thoughts.  I sometimes feel like there is a skin from a popcorn seed stuck in my throat and when I’m lying in bed, sometimes it feels like something is pushing on my throat right above my breastbone.  I keep thinking that my thyroid is swelling up to ginormous proportions and that some night in the middle of the night it’s going to choke me to death.  Then I wonder if the big nodule is malignant and what I’m feeling is throat cancer spreading.  Or that the nodule has doubled or tripled in size. But there is no pain, so I’m going to assume not.  I am hoping when my test results get to my doctor I will find out for sure about when I’m supposed to have the biopsy.  The girls in his office are not at all helpful.  I have an appointment tomorrow with my GP so I’ll talk to her about it, too.

So that is the little niggler in my mind.

I got a call from my boss today.  Evidently while I’ve been on vacation, our office has been putting a ton of time into one particular client.  Now that client is refusing to pay because they claim the problem was not theirs (that is debatable – they were told to use a dedicated server but they are using a shared server and having problems now with memory leaks.)  So the company (8 total employees including the owner) is having cash flow problems.  I expected him to tell me he was going to have to lay me off.  But instead he said he would only be able to give me half my pay.  I told him that was acceptable considering I just got back from vacation and didn’t work the full pay period anyway. But this leaves me wondering…

He said if we get over this ‘hump’ things will pick up.  We have prospects and work scheduled for late January and ongoing.  But I’m skeptical now.  He won’t go out of business.  He’s been doing business for 40 years and has weathered worse storms.  However, he has also cut and grown his staff as the economy dictated.

I sent out five resumes today.  I will miss working from home.  I am hoping that this one ‘half paycheck’ is just this one time and things will return to normal, but now I feel like I need to keep my resume updated and out there.  I have plenty of marketable skills.  The only thing I don’t have in my skill set is having my skills apply to the automotive industry, which is still the main industry in Michigan (especially in the area in which I live.)